Can forgive but CANT FORGET

Hyeeeee!

I am writing the second entry for today. Sometimes it feels like i dont want to stop writing but sometimes i feel don't wanna even surf my own blog. What a feeling i felt inside. Unsubscribe-able.

Its been 1.5 years since the nightmare had happened to my colorful life. I admit it is not that i never face any problems or obstacles in my life before but this one.. *Sigh*

I bet most of you wanna know right? But i cant pop out with all the details. It is too sensitive. For me, for my husband, my family & my friends. Even not all my family members know about this nightmare. I kept it to myself.

The only things that i can share here are the consequences happened to me from the nightmare. I am working at that particular moment. And i quit my job since i cant focus on anything i am doing at office. It is pathetic when my boss need to keep on explaining about the same thing and it is just a basic engineering stuffs. And i am an engineering stud! So, i QUIT!

I never applied any other jobs since then until the "ring bell" woke me up. That time i was 6 months jobless!. *Sigh2*

 My routine everyday back at that time was :

1. Woke up at 12pm. Everyday!

2. Watched tv. Not taken bath yet.

3. Eat. Eat.

4. Stared at the ceiling. Still not taken bath yet.

5. Listened to Christina Perri song "Jar of hearts". Keep on repeating until 3 hrs long.

6. Crying. Crying. Crying.

7. Accidentally slept. Still not taken bath. -_-

But i think most of you can guess what is the nightmare according to what song i listened up to. Right?

Yeah. That was the nightmare. The "third woman" that i can never forget for the rest of my life. Even until now. Its keep haunting me day and night. 

That bitch destroyed my colorful hearts and turned it into only black and white. I am colorless! That bitch came when we already engaged at that time. It is hurt when you didn't even knew who is your own fiancee. He changed to someone i don't barely know! But what i can say now. WE SURVIVED with God's will. Alhamdulillah.

But. What can i do now? Pretending that i already forget all those nightmares and of course pray to Allah. Ask Him to make me try to left it all behind me. I don't want to be carry away by something that can effect my future. That can ruined me slowly inside.

The problem is right now, How can i build back the trust? The thing that i still and will keep on searching the answer. I hope i will find it one day. InsyaAllah. Amiinn. Pray for me k? :D